Marriage Age

How old are you going to be when you get married?
Put an x in every box that applies to you.
Add up all the x`s and title subject with the sum as "My marriage age is__"

[ ] You know how to make a pot of coffee
[x]You keep track of dates using a calendar
[x] You own more than one credit card
[ ] You know how to change the oil in a car
[x] You do your own laundry
[ ] You vote every election
[x] You can cook for yourself
[ ] You think politics are exciting
[ ] You balance your own checkbook
[ ] Your parents have better things to say than your friends

Total: 4

[ ] You show up for school/college/work every day early.
[ ] You always carry a pen in your pocket/purse
[ ] You've never gotten a detention
[ ] You have never smoked a cigarette
[ ] You have never gotten completely trashed
[ ] You have forgotten your own birthday at least once
[ ] You like to take walks by yourself
[x] You've watched talk shows.
[ ] You know what 'credibility' means without looking it up
[ ] You drink coffee[caffiine] at least once a week.

Total: 1

[x] You know how to do the dishes.
[x] You can count to 10 in another language.
[ ] When you say you're going to do something you do it.
[x] My parents trust me
[ ] You can mow the lawn
[ ] You can make adults laugh without being stupid
[x] You remember to water the plants
[x] You study when you have to
[ ] You pay attention at school/college
[x] You remember to feed your pets

Total: 6

[x] You can spell 'experience' without looking it up.
[ ] You work out on a regular basis.
[x] You clean up your own mess
[ ] The people at Starbucks know you by name
[ ] Your favorite kind of food is take out
[ ] You have gained weight since middle/high school
[ ] The first thing you do when you wake up is get caffeine
[x] You can go to the store without getting something you don't need
[ ] You understand political jokes the first time they are said
[ ] You can type quickly

Total: 3

[ ] You have realized that the weather forecast changes every hour
[ ] Your only friends are from your place of employment
[ ] You have been to a Tupperware party
[x] You have realized that no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job
[ ] You have more bills than you can pay
[ ] Most of all your friends are older than you are
[x] You can say no to staying out all night
[x] You use the internet every day
[x] Your wardrobe hasn't changed in a while
[x] You can read a book and actually finish it

Total: 5

Grand Total: 19


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What is this test????????? I cant see how it works in calculating someone's marriage age... Totally puzzled!

The Scarlet Letter

Dear Chooi Yee,
I don't really know how to tell you this, I'm selling myself for candy. I think I realized it when we skinny dipped in the bathtub under a street light and I saw you sit on the Catholic Priest. I'm sure you're senile enough to understand that you need a sex-change. I'm returning your car to you, but I'll keep the results of that blood-sample as a memory. You should also know that I told in my confession today about the moose poaching and you ruined my attempts at another world war.

Go milk a cow,
Siew Goh

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Here's how you do it :

Dear (Someone you recently talked to),
I don't really know how to tell you this, (1). I think I realized it (2) (3) and I saw you (4) (5). I'm sure you're (6) enough to understand (7). I'm returning (8) to you, but I'll keep (9) as a memory. You should also know that I (10) and (11).

(12),
your name

1) What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - I'm in love with your cat
Red - Our affair is over
White - I’m joining the Convent
Black -Our romance is over
Green- Our socks don't match
Grey - You're a leprechaun
Yellow - I'm selling myself for candy
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - Purple hedgehogs want to destroy you
Other -I dislike your eyelashes

2) Which is your birth month?
January - That night you picked your nose
February -When I quoted Forrest Gump
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on peanut butter
May - When I threw up in your sock drawer
June - When you put cuffs on me
July – When I saw the purple monkey
August - When you smacked my ass
September - Last year when you peed your pants
October - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
November - When your dog humped my leg
December - When I finally changed my underwear

3) Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
Chicken- In your car
Pasta - Outside of your office
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner
Lasagna - In your closet
Kebab - With Jean Chrétien
Fish - In a clown suit
Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert
Pizza - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a street light
Annat- With George Bush and Stephen Harper

4) What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Ignore
Red - Put whipped cream on
Black - Hit on
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - bit of
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the pants off of
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive over

5) What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My boyfriend
White - My father
Grey – The Catholic Priest
Brown – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie
Purple - My corned beef hash
Red – My knee caps
Blue - My salt-beef bucket
Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana
Orange - My Blink 182 cd
Pink – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection
Other --The elephant in the corner

6) What do you prefer to watch on TV?
One Tree Hill - Senile
Heroes- Frostbitten
Lost - High
Simpsons- Cowardly
The news - Scarred
American Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Open
Top Model - Middle-class
Annat -shamed

7) Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful you are
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That I get turned on only by garbage men
Angry - That your smell makes me vomit
Depressed – That we’re related
Excited - That I may pee my pants
Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you
Worried - That your Ford sucks
Apathetic - That you need a sex-change
Silly - That I'm allergic to your earlobes
Cuddly - That Santa doesn't exist
Ashamed - That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid
Other - That your driving sucks

8) What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your toe ring
Yellow - Your love letters to me
Red - The pictures from Vegas
Black - Your pet rock
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - Your car
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your nose hair clippers
Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear
Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your Hannah Montana underwear

9) The first letter of your first name?
A/B - My virginity
C/D - Your photo with the moustache drawn on it
E/F - Your neighbors dog
G/H - The oil tank from your car
I/J - Your left ear
K/L - The results of that blood-sample
M/N - Your glass eye
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X – Your sucide note
Y/Z - Your credit cards

10) The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Love your sweet, sweet ass
C/D - Always will remember the pep talks
E/F -Never will forget that night
G/H – Will not tell the authorites that you stole the whale from the backyard.
I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly
K/L - Hate your cooking
M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching
O/P - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises
Q/R - Always wanted to break your legs
S/T - Get sick when I think of your feet
U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart
W/X - Haven’t showered in a month
Y/Z – am better off without you

11) What do you prefer to drink?
Wine- Our friendship is ruined
Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon
Soda – I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo
Milk - The apartment building is on fire
Water – I'm scratching my butt as you read this
Cider– I have a passionate interest for mice
Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war
Mineral/Vitamin water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked
Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird
Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey
Beer – Thanks for the Cocaine
Other – you should stop picking your nose

12) To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand – Warm tingly sensations
Australia - Best of luck on the sex change
France - Love always
Spain - With tears of sadness
China – You make me sick
Germany – Please don’t hurt me
Japan - Go milk a cow
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
USA - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt – Kiss my butt
England - Go drown yourself.